As a child, you have the right to express your opinion and be heard in decisions that affect you. There is no age limit for this right. But it does depend on the type of decision and on your age or development how and how heavily your opinion counts. In this text you can read tips and experiences of other young people.
Eight tips from young people for young people
- Tell them that you would like to participate in the discussion and decision-making. You can indicate this to your teachers and to the social workers who support you.
- Get invited to conversations that are about you. This way you can tell your side of the story and everyone can see who it is about. Inquire afterwards how the decisions were made. In general, parents are told when there is a conversation. Therefore, also tell your parents that you want to be actively involved in conversations and decisions about you.
- Ask whether the social workers include you in the cc of the emails to your parents. This way you are both informed and you prevent miscommunication.
- As you get older: discuss whether and how you want your parents to be involved in communication. It may be that you prefer that the communication goes through you. Parents up to the age of 12 have the right to information about their child. Between the ages of 12 and 16, parents and children share this right. From the age of 16 you have the right to information yourself and communication no longer needs to be shared with your parents.
- Write down in advance what you would like to say during the interview, but may not dare. This can also help organize your thoughts.
- Schools usually have an internal and external confidential adviser. It can be nice to share your story with them first.
- Know that you can go back on what you say. Sometimes it is difficult to give your opinion in the moment. Or do you get good ideas afterwards that you wanted to contribute. You can then still contact those who were present at the meeting. Especially when an important decision is made in a conversation, it is not at all strange to ask 'Can I think about it for a day or two and respond later?'.
- Sometimes it can help to confirm the agreements made after the meeting by e-mailing them to all parties involved.
How have other young people dealt with this?
Young people can participate in discussions and decisions about how they receive education and care in various ways. You can discover for yourself which way suits you. Sometimes it helps to be inspired by others. Here you can read how other young people have handled it.
File
'What I have done together with my parents from the start is always asking what is in the file about me. If we disagreed with something, we immediately stated it. You have the right of consent for part of the file and my school was open to adjusting a number of points for another part.'
'A few years later a new care coordinator arrived. He wanted to adjust my development perspective. Of course, a lot had changed with time, so I also agreed. I suggested writing the plan myself and the care coordinator agreed. Then I was really able to make my own plan. When I transferred to a new school, it was nice that I could take this plan with me. As a result, support started faster and the new school and I got to know each other better.'
Talking to professionals
A good place to give your opinion is during discussions with the school and care providers, such as the multidisciplinary consultation. That is not always easy.
“I had a lot of shame and insecurity. What helped me was to prepare well for the conversation with my mother. She would then give a short summary of what we had discussed together at the beginning of the meeting. That helped me a lot to make my voice heard. After that it was easier to add to the conversation.'
Another young person says:
'When I was about 10 years old, I not only wanted to be present at the talks, but also to chair the discussions and prepare the agenda. This approach has really worked wonders for me. You have to be heard that way. I sent the invitation to the teachers and social workers myself, so that everyone was seated at the table. This way there is as little noise as possible in communication and you can make decisions together. I expected resistance when I started doing this, but the teachers and counselors really liked it. It was also not too bad how much work it was. And by leading the conversation myself, it felt like I had much more control. It may not always be possible to chair the entire conversation, but it can be nice to be the first to speak or to deliver an important agenda item yourself.'